By Dr. Froswa’ Booker-Drew
So, you have probably already heard about KeKe Palmer, the father of her child, and their social media mess. This is where the drama begins: Palmer, 29, recently went to Usher’s residency in Las Vegas with her girls and wore a black sheer Givenchy dress with a body thong under it. Her boyfriend went on social media to share his discontent with her outfit. He stated, “It’s the outfit tho… you a mom.”
According to Palmer’s social media, he saw what she was wearing before she left for the concert. He posted a second tweet that stated, “We live in a generation where a man of the family doesn’t want the wife & mother to his kids to showcase booty cheeks to please others & he gets told how much of a hater he is. This is my family & my representation. I have standards & morals to what I believe. I rest my case.”
Here are some thoughts that I have as a result of observing this fiasco that are reminders of what we should be aware of in our relationships:
- Deal with your issues in private.” If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again.” (Matthew 18: 15-17)
- Realize that you cannot change and control grown people. “Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.” (Romans 15:7, NASB)
- Seek wise counsel and not social media for support. “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” (Proverbs 13:10)
- Tactics like harsh criticism, emotional blackmail, shaming, guilt, and manipulation can only go so far in a relationship. “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own.” (Matthew 7:1-5 MSG)
- Be careful of what you choose to focus on in your relationship. When you point a finger, there are three pointing back at you. “If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.” (Galatians 6:3)
- If someone claims they love you, they will not intentionally hurt you. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18).
- Anger can create more problems. Have a conversation that seeks to understand and listen. “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” (Proverbs 15:18)
- Watch what you say in the heat of your emotions. “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9) as well as “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20)
- Be careful who you allow in your ear that encourages you to do something that is not in your best interest. You need good friends that can call you out when you need it. “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)
- Don’t allow your pride to get you into a mess. “First pride, then the crash—the bigger the ego, the harder the fall. It’s better to live humbly among the poor than to live it up among the rich and famous.” (Proverbs 16:18-19 MSG)
KeKe and Darius’ drama is a reflection of what happens in many of our homes. They don’t need criticism. They need a lot of support, especially for the sake of their child. When we allow our emotions to run rampant, we end up hurting ourselves and others in the process. Your feelings can fail you.
Dr. Froswa’ Booker-Drew is the President of Soulstice Consultancy, the Founder of the Reconciliation and Restoration Foundation, and the author of four books.
