By Cheryl Smith
Women’s History Month is rapidly coming to a close.
We have been celebrating all of the attributes of women; while calling attention to their many contributions since the beginning of time.
Thinking about all of the contributions, I can’t help but think about all the pain that counters the joys of being a woman.
Let’s not put women back in some obscure place after this month ends.
We must continue to extol the virtues of women. We must continue to be supportive and understanding. We must keep the compliments flowing and share uplifting messages.
Which brings me to my truth.
If anyone knows how hard a woman has it going through life, it has to be another woman.
So, how can we be so condescending, negative and at times down-right mean spirited to one another?
Makes absolutely no sense. As an adult, I can look back on my childhood and recall times when my mother did something I just couldn’t wrap my head around.
Like when I did something wrong and the punishment was not forthcoming immediately, just as a trial would have been in the court of law.
Instead my mother would say something like, “I’m not going to whip you today. Just add another one on to the others you’ve got coming!”
When I tell you I would have the worst feeling because we could have had the whipping over with and now they were piling on and I might end up getting killed.
Today I realize that there could have been a number of reasons why Earline didn’t tell me to go get the belt ; why she delayed dispensing justice out.
It could have been her time of the month and she was cramping miserably.
She could have had a bad day at work, caused by a lazy, trifling coworker or a narcissistic supervisor.
Maybe my daddy didn’t do something he promised.
Did her friend get beat up by her husband or a child got arrested and she needed my mom’s support?
Possibly her feet were hurting because she was standing too long at the bus stop.
Or she could have been challenged making sure that the ends were meeting. I could go on and on, but hopefully you get my drift.
At that moment in time, the last thing my mother wanted to be doing was telling me, “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you!”
All I can say is: Mother, I get it. I totally OVERstand!
Women, especially Black Women, are called “strong.”
We carry that label whether we want to be strong or not.
We don’t have an option. We have to be strong or nothing gets done.
I don’t care what “strong” woman you meet, she also would like times when she doesn’t have to be strong; when she could rely on others’ strength instead of others ALWAYS relying on her.
And, she needs for other women to not add to the burden.
She’d much rather hear another woman say, “I feel you,” instead of saying something that translates into, “I hate you.”
So that means women won’t be quick to say another woman has an “attitude,” or needs to smile. because sometimes the inner pain is so intense — like the legendary group Earth, Wind and Fire asked, “Ain’t it funny how the way you feel shows on your face?”
Then too the first words out of a woman’s mouth, when hearing that her son’s girlfriend is pregnant, won’t be a character assassination of the young lady.
We won’t say something like, “Ain’t no way you would catch me with that (fill in the blank), “She knows good and well she’s too old to wear (fill in another blank),” or “I‘d never be caught dead in that!”
Since she is not you, leave that woman alone. Do you.
Now if that is your child or mother you can have another discussion, but there’s also a way you can have a discussion about what is proper and in order, without being improper and out of order.
Just think about any woman who you compliment.
If she wasn’t smiling, most times she would; that is if she hasn’t been beaten down so much by the negative comments that some dish out like a daily cup of coffee.
Wouldn’t you rather be responsible for bringing joy into someone’s life, instead of pain? Perform a daily audit of your behavior toward other women.
It could be very enlightening and life changing for you!
